Well My Name's Jonny and It Might Be a Sin #10

"Jonny, make sure you don't startin' trouble with them there McCormicks, we've finally gotten things to settle down!" Jonny's mom hollared at him and Dale Jr. as the drove off in their replica General Lee roadster. "And make damn sure you stay away from their daughter and that little tramp cousin of theirs!"

You see the Hartlefields and McCormicks have been at each other's throats for the last 20 years. To be honest, the fued could stretch back longer than that, but I have only been witness to it for the last 20 years, so that's all I can comment on.

Well lil' Jonny and his best buddy Dale Jr. we're the sneaky little rascals who couldn't help but keep their hands out of trouble. If there was some mischief to be caused, you can bet that it was one of those two who was causing it.

So on this particular afternoon, Jonny and Dale Jr. decided to go swing by ole Judge McCormicks place and see if he could stir up the chicken coupe. Him and Dale Jr. drove up that gravel drive faster than anybody thought possible. He gave a couple of loud blasts of the horn and out came Ms. Dandy McCormick and her cousin Cindy Sue.

Well, as the two couples drove off, Dandy's older brother Billy Joe came running out, jumped into his 4x4 Dodge Gravedigger, and sped off after the bunch. He was given the task of protecting his baby sister and her tramp of a cousin Cindy Sue. As they sped off down the highway, Billy Joe was hanging out his window peppering Jonny's car with buck shot.

Finally, after numerous shots, and a couple miles of pavement passing under them, Billy Joe was able to knock out the back two tires, sending the General Lee replica swerving into a ditch.

Billy Joe walked over, grabbed Dandy and Cindy Sue, threw them into his truck, and took off. Jonny called his mother to come pick the two of them up. When she arrived, Jonny knew he was in trouble, but all he heard his mother say was, "I told you to stay away from those two no good tramps."

I hate Everyone - #3

Jannis wasn't the friendliest of people, in fact, she was pretty much considered a total bitch. No one at school ever like her, but that was okay, she wasn't much a fan of any of them either. To be fair, she was a bit of a tool, but no bother to her. She didn't care what anyone thought of her.

Jannis however, had a big issue with people. She was always getting pissed off for no reason. She would take it out oncomplete strangers. Her theme song every day was "I Hate Everyone" (made famous by Get Set, Go). Every morning she would curse the same stupid cheerleaders who would hold up the line at the schools coffee shop. She would shove the stupid bints out of the way of the mirror in the bathroom as they tried to fix their make up. You see Janis definatly did not care about her appearence.

As she walked into school, she would blow the smoke from her final puff of the ciggerette in the face of the beauty queens. Walking down the hall, she shoved everyone who said anything to her into the lockers that lined the wall.

Jannis wasn't one to discriminate, she hated everyone, no one was free from her wrath. The only thing people could do was whisper amongst themselves as she walked by with her patented "f*ck the world" look on her face, and ask "why is someone so young could so mad at the world."

What no one knew, was Jannis had sworn off getting close to people. That's how people deal with getting hurt, they shut themselves off. Who could blame her, after being hurt like that, why should she trust anyone again? Why should she let anyone hurt her like that again? That's why we hate everyone isnt it? Because at some point some person has wronged us, and made us lose all faith, in all humanity.

The Spy who loved her

Jackson and Joan were a happy couple, they had a lot to be thankful for, and thought, that they would never be apart. Joan knew everything there was to know about Jackson, or at least she thought, until that fateful night.

There was knock on the door, and all of the sudden, in came the police. "Are you Ms. Joan Brown?" asked the officer.

"Yes" she replied.

"Mam I'm sorry to inform you that you're husband has been killed by a terrorist." the officer informed. "Witnesses said they were screaming about some kind of disc." "Would you happen to know anything about this?"

"Not in the least!" exclaimed Ms. Brown.

"Well we are sorry for you lost." said the officer.

Joan got to thinking, what on earth was that officer talking about? She began to rummage through things in their closet, and came across a small box. She had remembered seeing the box while they were cleaing a few weeks ago.

"I wonder what's in this." she wondered aloud.

She opened the box and stared in amazement at what she saw. She wondered what else her husband had lied to her about.

Wizard of Gutenstien

DJ: Welcome to radio one's Ask the Wiz, with your host, the sultan of spit, the king of concern, the one and only Wiz of Gutenstien

First caller please


(Phone rings)

WIZ: Campbell County Morgue, You stab 'em we slab 'em, how can I help you?

"Yes, i'm really freaking out here, I done have a test today and... wait... did I call the morgue?

WIZ: No, this is the magical Wizard of Gutenstien

"O, well I haven't not yet studied for it. I'm really scurred here, and don't have no clue what I should do!"

WIZ: Calm down sir, now what subject is this test in?

"Well it's in that their vo-cab-u-lar-e!"

WIZ: O wow. Um, Okay, well... lets see... O i've got it! First of all go off to the library and get a dictionary, can you do that?

"I don't know if I gots a library card to do that with but I can tries."

WIZ: Okay well I want you to find a dictionary, and then look a word for me, okay?

"okay"

WIZ: Now, the word I wanted you to look up is: Scheisse. Once you look that up, you'll be golden!

"O thank you magical wizard of Gutenstien!"

WIZ: Your welcom, Tata!

(phone rings)

WIZ: Hello, The Curch of Christ, Jesus speaking, how can I direct your call?

"O thank God!"

WIZ: What are you thanking me for?

"huh? I'm confused?"

WIZ: Me too.

"okay... well my girlfriend just broke up with me, and I don't know what on earth i should do."

WIZ: What?! you're complaining about that? I never had a girl friend my entire life! There are plenty of fish in the sea, move on, erhalten Sie über ihr!

"thanks magical man of Gutenstien!"

DJ: Well that's all for today ladies and gents, tune in next to hear the sultan of spit give hsi advice

Fade outro mucis