Shut up and dance

When will people learn, you've got rock your body, you can't expect to just show up and dance. You've got to feel the rythm, and you have to be able to feel the music. What is dance? Nothing more than a set of rythmically in-tune motions that flow with a certain beat or groove of a piece of music.

You want to lean how to dance? Go watch some Brazilians, those kids can dance. The samba boys, that's what their called, and let's be honest, they can dance like nobody's business. The kid's are sick as hell! I honestly learn more from them about rythm than I have leanred in twelve years of music class.

It's funny because they say in order to be good soccer players, you need to be a good dancer, it helps with balance obviously, but there is more to it, good dancers have this rythm about them, just like good soccer players, you can see it in their body language, and in the way they carry themselves. They're carefree, and you can tell it in their stride, they walk about without any kind of stress, it's like nothing gets to them.

Damn I wish I could do that, how great would it be to not have to be worried about anything? Just shut up about your problems and go out there and dance, incredible... who wouldn't want to do that? Even when they're injured, they dance better with one leg than I do with an entirely healthy body. I guess the saying is true though, just dance like nobody's watching. Haha, there's and image for ya!

I can picture it now, Project Pat dancin' up and down the halls of the buildings on campus, haha okay well maybe after a few pints, but lets be honest, that wouldn't be a pretty sight.

Speaking of dancing, how about the new girl on campus? The new dancin' chick, that's pretty wicked, althought she sparked quite a debate, and honestly i think that was her intent, o well, job done, and if it makes her happy then why not? But anyway, what can ya do... She does what she does and at least she does have the guts to go out and dance.

Wellllll I think that's about all I can say about dancing, so my advice to anyone reading this... GO OUT AND DANCE LIKE NO ONE'S WATCHING!!!!!!!!

Losing my mind

Seriously, I am going off the deep end! One week left, and where the hell did the semester go? Um last week it seemed like I was showing up for preseason, now, um besides the fact that I probably just played in the biggest game I’ll ever play in, the NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP, I can’t focus. I have too much to do, I’m seriously going crazy… I was soooo preoccupied and worried about school this weekend I couldn’t enjoy what should have been one of those moments you never forget because let’s be honest, two teams out of 176 get to do what I should have been enjoying this weekend. And yes, it is 5:30 am right now on Tuesday morning, and I’m still up, Haven’t slept in close to 24 hours. Prolly won’t either, It’s gonna be two solid weeks of trying to catch up, because let’s be honest I’ve been on the road from Wed-Monday for the last 7 weekends. WTF?????? How do you get work done with a schedule like that?????

Well, time to move on to a new project, sorry, just needed to vent… g’night all!

Cops and Robbers

The ski masks were passed out, the gloves on tight, the black eye camouflage was spread a plenty; everything was in place. Everyone was ready to go. There was nothing left to do now but say the magic word.

The lot was empty; the security cameras had been turned off. In the room stood 12 men, ready to accomplish one simple task, take the money and run...

The guns were sitting on the table in the middle of the room, the money was scattered everywhere. Off in the distance, you could hear it, the fear in the room was palpable, there were nearly here, almost time, the cops were baring down faster than anyone hand predicted.

Panic gripped the room. No one knew what they should do now. The leader, and aptly named Robber number 1 had left them, he fled away, leaving the guns, cash, and glamour behind. The other 11 where in it for the long haul. There was no running now, it was time to face up to what was going on. Here they came, locked and loaded, it was time to go. “Ready, steady, easy boys…” the door opens… “let ‘em have it!”

Sammy's lucky Tag

John didn’t know any better, he was only a wee pup when it happened, but boy o boy were his owners mad when he did it.

He just couldn’t understand why his owners were so mad, all he thought he was doing was chewing on some paper. How was he supposed to know what it was. He thought it was just a stupid tag off a piece of furniture. He gripped it in his teeth, and all of the sudden, Jimbo and Janice were screaming and yelling!

Poor Sammy, he had no idea what to do now. There had to be some way he could make it up to his owners while they were gone. He began to search the house, but his search ended in vein. There was nothing he could do, unless he learned how to mop the floor.

Stupid paper, why couldn’t he have just left it? Then none of this would have happened. Sammy sat in the corner waiting for his owners to get home and punish him. He still couldn’t see what they were yelling about; all he did was tear a stupid piece of paper off the mattress. He thought he was helping them out; the tag looked like it would have been itching and irritating.

He was walking over to show them the tag when Jimbo took it from his mouth and started hollering. Sammy didn’t know what the tag said, but Jimbo ran out of the house screaming for Janice, and then they both jumped in the car and took off. Sammy had no idea what the word said, all he could remember was seeing a bunch of “0” with some sort of S shaped sign at the front of them. There was one word at the top, something Sammy had never seen before “WINNER”.

The Castle to be built

Billy Bob Rolston was packing for his climb up Mt. Wannachucka. He had been preparing this expedition for ages it seemed like. He had carefully packed his climbing gear, camping equipment, and his survival pack. He was set to go.

Before heading off on his trip, he checked his camera equipment one more time. You see, Billy Bob’s trip up the mountain was not just any old trip. It was one that would change history for ever. Billy Bob was in search of the infamous Flying Fox. He would find it and take pictures which he would publish in his magazine, ‘Dem Creatures of the wild.

Two days into his expedition, his dreams had come true. He awoke that morning to find that gracefully soaring above his head was a magnificent flying fox. However, to Billy Bob’s horror, the fox was not a gentle peaceful creature like he thought it was. The fox was the size of a mythical dragon, huge towering wings, and teeth shaper than anything Billy Bob had ever seen.

In a state of shock and fear, Billy Bob threw on his skies and started down the mountain. However, it was too no avail, as the flying fox left its perch on the snowy summit, and chased down Billy Bob. Billy Bob’s expert skiing skills were no help, the flying fox devoured him in one gulp. With Billy Bob dead, and his pictures unpublished, no one will ever know about the secret location of the Flying Fox, on the Snowy Summit of Mt. Wannachucka… or will they?

Well My Name's Jonny and It Might Be a Sin #10

"Jonny, make sure you don't startin' trouble with them there McCormicks, we've finally gotten things to settle down!" Jonny's mom hollared at him and Dale Jr. as the drove off in their replica General Lee roadster. "And make damn sure you stay away from their daughter and that little tramp cousin of theirs!"

You see the Hartlefields and McCormicks have been at each other's throats for the last 20 years. To be honest, the fued could stretch back longer than that, but I have only been witness to it for the last 20 years, so that's all I can comment on.

Well lil' Jonny and his best buddy Dale Jr. we're the sneaky little rascals who couldn't help but keep their hands out of trouble. If there was some mischief to be caused, you can bet that it was one of those two who was causing it.

So on this particular afternoon, Jonny and Dale Jr. decided to go swing by ole Judge McCormicks place and see if he could stir up the chicken coupe. Him and Dale Jr. drove up that gravel drive faster than anybody thought possible. He gave a couple of loud blasts of the horn and out came Ms. Dandy McCormick and her cousin Cindy Sue.

Well, as the two couples drove off, Dandy's older brother Billy Joe came running out, jumped into his 4x4 Dodge Gravedigger, and sped off after the bunch. He was given the task of protecting his baby sister and her tramp of a cousin Cindy Sue. As they sped off down the highway, Billy Joe was hanging out his window peppering Jonny's car with buck shot.

Finally, after numerous shots, and a couple miles of pavement passing under them, Billy Joe was able to knock out the back two tires, sending the General Lee replica swerving into a ditch.

Billy Joe walked over, grabbed Dandy and Cindy Sue, threw them into his truck, and took off. Jonny called his mother to come pick the two of them up. When she arrived, Jonny knew he was in trouble, but all he heard his mother say was, "I told you to stay away from those two no good tramps."

I hate Everyone - #3

Jannis wasn't the friendliest of people, in fact, she was pretty much considered a total bitch. No one at school ever like her, but that was okay, she wasn't much a fan of any of them either. To be fair, she was a bit of a tool, but no bother to her. She didn't care what anyone thought of her.

Jannis however, had a big issue with people. She was always getting pissed off for no reason. She would take it out oncomplete strangers. Her theme song every day was "I Hate Everyone" (made famous by Get Set, Go). Every morning she would curse the same stupid cheerleaders who would hold up the line at the schools coffee shop. She would shove the stupid bints out of the way of the mirror in the bathroom as they tried to fix their make up. You see Janis definatly did not care about her appearence.

As she walked into school, she would blow the smoke from her final puff of the ciggerette in the face of the beauty queens. Walking down the hall, she shoved everyone who said anything to her into the lockers that lined the wall.

Jannis wasn't one to discriminate, she hated everyone, no one was free from her wrath. The only thing people could do was whisper amongst themselves as she walked by with her patented "f*ck the world" look on her face, and ask "why is someone so young could so mad at the world."

What no one knew, was Jannis had sworn off getting close to people. That's how people deal with getting hurt, they shut themselves off. Who could blame her, after being hurt like that, why should she trust anyone again? Why should she let anyone hurt her like that again? That's why we hate everyone isnt it? Because at some point some person has wronged us, and made us lose all faith, in all humanity.

The Spy who loved her

Jackson and Joan were a happy couple, they had a lot to be thankful for, and thought, that they would never be apart. Joan knew everything there was to know about Jackson, or at least she thought, until that fateful night.

There was knock on the door, and all of the sudden, in came the police. "Are you Ms. Joan Brown?" asked the officer.

"Yes" she replied.

"Mam I'm sorry to inform you that you're husband has been killed by a terrorist." the officer informed. "Witnesses said they were screaming about some kind of disc." "Would you happen to know anything about this?"

"Not in the least!" exclaimed Ms. Brown.

"Well we are sorry for you lost." said the officer.

Joan got to thinking, what on earth was that officer talking about? She began to rummage through things in their closet, and came across a small box. She had remembered seeing the box while they were cleaing a few weeks ago.

"I wonder what's in this." she wondered aloud.

She opened the box and stared in amazement at what she saw. She wondered what else her husband had lied to her about.

Wizard of Gutenstien

DJ: Welcome to radio one's Ask the Wiz, with your host, the sultan of spit, the king of concern, the one and only Wiz of Gutenstien

First caller please


(Phone rings)

WIZ: Campbell County Morgue, You stab 'em we slab 'em, how can I help you?

"Yes, i'm really freaking out here, I done have a test today and... wait... did I call the morgue?

WIZ: No, this is the magical Wizard of Gutenstien

"O, well I haven't not yet studied for it. I'm really scurred here, and don't have no clue what I should do!"

WIZ: Calm down sir, now what subject is this test in?

"Well it's in that their vo-cab-u-lar-e!"

WIZ: O wow. Um, Okay, well... lets see... O i've got it! First of all go off to the library and get a dictionary, can you do that?

"I don't know if I gots a library card to do that with but I can tries."

WIZ: Okay well I want you to find a dictionary, and then look a word for me, okay?

"okay"

WIZ: Now, the word I wanted you to look up is: Scheisse. Once you look that up, you'll be golden!

"O thank you magical wizard of Gutenstien!"

WIZ: Your welcom, Tata!

(phone rings)

WIZ: Hello, The Curch of Christ, Jesus speaking, how can I direct your call?

"O thank God!"

WIZ: What are you thanking me for?

"huh? I'm confused?"

WIZ: Me too.

"okay... well my girlfriend just broke up with me, and I don't know what on earth i should do."

WIZ: What?! you're complaining about that? I never had a girl friend my entire life! There are plenty of fish in the sea, move on, erhalten Sie über ihr!

"thanks magical man of Gutenstien!"

DJ: Well that's all for today ladies and gents, tune in next to hear the sultan of spit give hsi advice

Fade outro mucis

The operator's day out #16

He stood there waiting for his acomplice to show up. Just in tmie. Black lacy stockings, hair all done up, and a brown khaki raincoat buttoned up and tied at the waist. She had on ornamental fire engine red shows, which happen fished to be stelleto heels. She was carrying her package just as they had agreed, a tuna fish wrapped up in news paper.

He stood there, answering the random phone calls he recieved, "The number you have dialed cannot be reached, please try again." The stick of dynamite under his sweatshirt was soaked in sweat. He couldn't control himself, after all, he was only a telephone operator, what did he know about smuggling dynamite into the country.

The pair had agreed to make the exchange just across the border, in a small mexican town, at the local bus depot. They figured it was public enough that it wouldn't draw attention, and since it was coastal fishing town, people were always carrying around dead fish.

Just as he was about to hand the dynamite to her to put in fish, US Border Patrol agents stormed in and arrested both of them.

I sold my soul to the devil

Satan is the best
Its your soul he will possess
This fear will not rest

The Hideout #2

Over on the far field of Billy Jo Bob Simpleton's far sits a building. It has red painted sides, and a black shingled roof. Outside against the east wall sits a stack of hay bails. Against the bails of hay sits a pitchfork, and several rakes. As you move further down the wall you can see a broke down tractor, which is now nearly covered by over grown weed grass. The tractor is covered in rust, and looks as though its been sitting in that same place for several years now. Moving along the front wall, you see a faded door with white cross beams decorating the front. Two of the hinges are broken, leaving both doors with only one good one. as the wind blows across the field, it gently moves the doors, creaking the hinges. The paint on all sides of the barn is faded, except for the west face of the barn, which seems to have been recently painted. Old pieces of pipe, and mental lay stacked against the side running down towards the back of the barn, where old farm equpiment sits gathering rust.

Inside the barn, bails of hay are stacked as high as the loft, in the front against the east wall stands a ladder that leads up to the loft. In the corner of the east and north wall, a hornets nest can be found with hornets coming and going. The barn is dark and dusty, with several dark corners perfect for hiding out in.

Jackson Brownose was running across the field franticly, he needed a place to hide, how could he have missed the shot? It was perfect! He had waited all his life, and now he was on the run from the FBI. He spotted the barn up ahead and booked it.

He reached the barn, and first noticed all the broken equpiment laying around, realizing that he had found the perfect place to hideout.

He walked inside, and immediatly noticed the dark corners which he could hide in. He found several crates of fruits and vegatables to eat, and piles of hay to make a bed out of. Jackson Brownose had found the place to hide out

Shower with a stranger

Finally, this is what I needed. All day I have been hiking in these woods, looking for a place to clean off the sludge I stumbled upon back in that creek bed.

I'm not sure what it is. I know I need to get it off my clothes though. I don't know where it came from, or how to get it off. Damn it! It's not coming off. What the hell! It's solidifying. I can't get it off. Shit! It's getting harder.

What, who the hell are you?

What? This is your house. Well I"m sorry, can't you see I'm kind of stuck right here.

Haha, sucks to be you. Say hello to my little friend!

I don't know what the hell this stuff is, but it's definaly bullet proof. Hmm... It's a shame he didn't fall in the sludge.